i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
