So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
