Soap is not a condiment
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
