I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
