if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
