I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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