Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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