Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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