3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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