Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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