All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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