Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
