I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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