Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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