Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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