There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
