He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
