i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
