I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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