I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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