hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im part way to drunk.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
