I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
