my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
