i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
