i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
