I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
