i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
