Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
