I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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