I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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