bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
