paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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