Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize