I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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