How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
