I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
