i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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