Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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