After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
