u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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