he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
