That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
