i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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