who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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