drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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