I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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