3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
