You made me cry and you don't even care
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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