so explain again why im purple
no
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
