worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Im part way to drunk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
