Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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