she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
