Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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