I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
